What $3,100 rents you in SF right now

Welcome to Curbed Comparisons, a regular column exploring what you can rent for a set dollar amount in different neighborhoods. Is one person’s studio another person’s townhouse? Today’s price: $3,100.

Now here’s a true oddity in its natural habitat, an “intimate brick-and-timber condo” in South Beach. “Intimate” is landlord speak for small, but this is actually a respectably sized 700-square-foot unit with one bed and one bath. The headline is a bit deceptive as the brick mentioned in the ad is on 310 Townsend’ facade, although the rather looming timbers do make an appearance. The building was converted from warehouse space in 2006 and the somewhat ungainly unit looks unlike anything they’d make in the neighborhood today. Rent is $3,100 per month. “Pets considered on an individual basis,” which is open-minded.

In Lower Pac Heights, this one-bed, one-bath apartment with similar stats dates to 1978. Though the ad promises that part of the home is “recently remodeled,” there’s still a distinctly 1970s vibe about that wide fireplace with the wood paneling. The kitchen got the brunt of the update, with “newer stainless-steel appliances and granite countertops.” One thing that’s not old-fashioned is the $3,095-per-month price tag, and the fact that no pets are allowed.

And speaking of kitchens, just what’s going on with the corner kitchen in this two-bed, two-bath, “really nice Art Deco apartment” in Parkside? Granted, it’s a very small kitchen that fits into a nook, but something about the rose-colored tile walls and the way the floor sweeps out into the living room space suggests a long-forgotten attempted design trend that’s been weirdly preserved here. The building dates to 1978, which perhaps explains the interior colors and the faux stained-glass window tile design in the shower. Note that there’s plenty of space here with 1,250 square feet, but no mention of pets. The deal is $3,000 per month even.

This listing promises a “vaulted ceiling one-bedroom apartment” in North Beach, although that ceiling is difficult to suss out in the images presented to prospective renters—there does seem to be a definite upward slant, but it’s hard to tell where it goes. There’s also promise of “huge” and “extra large” space but no specific square footage or floor plan provided—it comes with a single bed and a single bath. Maybe those who feel like investigating a mystery will stop in to see for themselves, if they have $3,049 per month, that is. “Sorry, no pets”—at least that much is clear.

Last up is the very quiet Diamond Heights neighborhood and one of its typical, sprawling hillside apartment buildings. In this case, it’s the Eaves complex billed as being “where practical apartment living meets a sensible cost of living,” which, while a redundant sentiment, does at least sound like an attractive formula. The sensible cost in this case is, apparently, is $3,015 per month for a very sizable two-bed, two-bath, 1,000-square-foot offering that’s all clear for pets.