What $2,400 rents you in SF right now

Welcome to Curbed Comparisons, a regular column exploring what you can rent for a set dollar amount in different neighborhoods. Is one person’s studio is another person’s townhouse? Today’s price: $2,400.

This ad for an apartment in Bernal Heights, located just west of the freeway, promises a “spacious first-floor in-law.” What does spacious mean? About 440 square feet, per the ad—”the bedroom is 11 by 14 feet, the living room is 19 by 12 feet long, and the bathroom is eight feet by five feet.” It’s all in the eye of the beholder, as usual. The nondescript gray facade gives way to neutral interiors. It comes with one bed, one bath, and a stark white kitchenette. There’s a garage, too, but parking will cost an extra $250 on top of the $2,400 per month. No pets.

When it comes to the relativity of a home’s size, that’s not even the half of it: This “charming and spacious” one-bed and one-bath loft on McAllister Street in the Tenderloin measures a mere 300 square feet from wall to wall. Well, size isn’t everything. Hopefully, renters will be swayed with the brick walls and red staircase. Also, no pets allowed here, either.

This NoPa home, an “exquisite fully furnished studio right by Panhandle,” puts its best foot forward in the form of a refined Edwardian facade (circa 1907) and gorgeous lobby with loads of period charm. By comparison, the apartment itself is fairly basic and utilitarian, complete with mezzanine bed to free up a little extra space in the close quarters. (No square footage is mentioned here, but clearly space is a premium.) It’s $2,400 per month. And although dogs are allowed, there’s a weight limit of 30 pounds.

Speaking of subjectivity, the term “penthouse” is used and abused too much these days. In the case of this “bright and quaint penthouse loft” in Merced Heights, it means that this two-bed, one-bath unit inside a triplex just happens to be the top one. Alas, not really a penthouse at all. Regardless, this home comes with 600 square feet, a roof deck, hardwood floors, and tall ceilings. Unfortunately, no pets yet again. It costs $2,300 per month.

Finally, the Outer Sunset offers a two-bed, one-bath apartment on Santiago, deemed a “stunning and bright” abode with “baby-blue color painted bedrooms,” “fully functional kitchen with granite countertop,” and “sunny backyard/patio.” Note that the weird Sunset tiled floors in the living room do not extend to the bedrooms, which feature hardwood instead. This home costs $2,400 per month, but the no-pets rule makes today’s slate almost a complete bust for animal lovers.