What $3,300 rents in San Francisco right now

Welcome to Curbed Comparisons, a regular column exploring what you can rent for a set dollar amount in different neighborhoods. Is one person’s studio another person’s townhouse? Today’s price: $3,300.

No matter what the design or layout, the phrase “private tropical garden” really does seem like it’s asking a lot out of the foggy climate of the Outer Richmond. Be that as it may, this one-bed, one-bath, 500-square-foot apartment on Clement includes access to a rather fetching backyard garden space regardless of ambient temperature, with the ad also pitching “gorgeous granite,” “brick patio,” partial furnishing, and a recent remodel. It’s $3,300/month, “some pets allowed.”

The next couple of listings illustrate the elasticity of words like “penthouse.” Over in South Beach a “penthouse studio with amazing Bay Bridge views” isn’t exaggerating, as the bridge itself is smack dab outside of the window—in fact, given that this place measures only 432 square feet, there’s a good chance that the bridge is visible from just about every window. The Baycrest Towers building tries to load up on amenities to make up for the relatively snug spaces: “Swimming pool, spa, sauna, workout room, racketball court, patio with BBQ area,” and there’s even a Keurig Coffee machine included with the kitchenette. But no pets allowed here, and the asking price is $3,300/month.

Meanwhile, the Inner Sunset sports a “large penthouse at Seventh and Irving” (really an attic apartment of course) in the form of a one-bed, one-bath, 850-square-foot setup for $3,200/month. And just look at the beautiful, crystalline facade on this circa 1906 Edwardian; on the inside it includes a “huge great room with cathedral ceiling, track lighting, and skylights.” The ad also tries to push the idea that the living room is big enough to be segmented into an extra bedroom, which is probably not a great idea, but on the other hand times are tough and SF renters have to pull out every stop to make ends meet. “No pets” though.

Speaking of striking views, anyone who has ever taken a gander at late artist Lawrence Argent’s towering Venus statue, which is almost entirely hidden inside the Trinity Place plaza on Mid-Market, has probably wondered what it’s like living in one of the homes she’s peaking into at all hours. Now a one-bed, one-bath Trinity Place apartment is up for $3,279/month and advertising access to the one-acre plaza park and stainless steel installation as part of the package, along with “high ceilings,” rooftop garden, and garage parking. The pets policy remains ambiguous.

Finally North Beach features a one-bed, one-bath apartment of its own in a ruddy building off Union Street, which comes furnished and also packing wall-to-wall tile flooring that covers seemingly every room in the house, as well as a vessel sink and “hand painted azulejos from Spain.” It’s $3,300/month here, but no pets permitted.