What $3,500 rents you in San Francisco right now

Welcome to Curbed Comparisons, a regular column exploring what you can rent for a set dollar amount in different neighborhoods. Is one person’s studio is another person’s townhouse? Today’s price: $3,500.

↑ Despite years of warnings about the folly of judging things by their covers, it’s still hard to resist the allure of an eye-catching San Francisco facade. Take the case of this blue and gold offering in Potrero Hill, which looks like it might be visible from space if the light hits it just right. Truth be known, the two-bed, one-bath apartment for rent on the inside can’t live up to the pop promised at the curb, but at least it’s roomy enough at 1,100 square feet, a space the rental agent deems “tasteful” and “nicely furnished” in the ad. The deal here is $3,300/month and “sorry, no pets.”

↑ By a similar token, here’s an apartment in a Nob Hill building that from street side appears downright playful while still maintaining the dignity owing to its pedigree, thanks largely to a recent paint job doing away with its onetime battleship gray look. The single-bed, single-bath apartment inside—with long, bay-shaped living room terminating at the windows—is a bit more reserved, aiming for a classy Nob Hill vibe within the slightly snug looking space available. It’s $3,495/month, no pets this time either.

↑ But here’s a place with a big payoff—a Haight home billed as “Queen Anne one bedroom on park panhandle” with a looming and whimsical circa-1890 Victorian profile perched above Oak Street. Once through the doors, the one-bed, one-bath, 750-square-foot apartment on offer is a wonderland of wallpaper designs, stained glass, and woodwork. The ad also promises “period wallpaper with an ornate frieze in bedroom, hallways, kitchen and living-room, relief wainscoting throughout, [and] nine inch redwood sliding doors,” but for access to all of this renters will have to slide $3,500/month out of the bank. There’s no mention of pets.

↑ This two-bed, two-bath apartment in West Portal wins on the basis of room count. But at an advertised 970 square feet, it’s not quite the largest home on the slate. This home banks on the sense of liberation that comes with its stats as a “fully-detached garden unit” off of a cerulean-colored Vicente Street house featuring access to a “mature landscaping garden”—the difference between matured and adolescent landscaping isn’t immediately apparent, but it is quite a lovely yard, sporting a lush lawn by California drought standards. That lawn will also have to go pet-free though, even at $3,500/month.

↑ Finally, here’s a “charming Inner Richmond one-bed, one-bath” apartment that believes quite sincerely in the inherent charm of exclamations, as the ad promises “Parking! Pet! Garden! Laundry!” in that order and with that punctuation. The deal also throws in the “handsome formal living room [which] boasts a decorative Arts and Craft fireplace” and “built-in glass credenza and beautiful chandelier.” Although the fact that this is the only home of the five that allows pets while charging $3,500/month is probably the most beautiful and handsome prospect of all.