What $5,500 rents you in San Francisco right now

Welcome to Curbed Comparisons, a regular column exploring what you can rent for a set dollar amount in different neighborhoods. Is one person’s studio is another person’s townhouse? Today’s price: $5,500.

↑ First things first we get a downright crooked deal via a listing on Lombard Street, which promises “now you can live on the Crooked Street.” The ad for this two-bed, two-bath condo also says it’s a “rare opportunity to live on Lombard,” although in truth this same unit is often listed and has popped up on Comparisons before, also going for $5,500/month in the past. Note the sunny spin that the ad tries to put on “the fairly populated and cheerful sounds of visitors that congregate to pose for the coveted portrait with a crooked street in the background,” despite the fact that whiny homeowners on this wealthy byway spend endless time complaining about such visitations. More cheerful: the presence of dogs and cats on the lease agreement.

↑ Speaking of hard-driving sales pitches, this ad promises “a penthouse of [a] mansion” in Pacific Heights, which tilts the SEO score pretty hard toward the city’s wealthiest set of potential renters. And indeed the price here is still $5,500/month for a 1,200-square-foot, three-bed pad. Note that it’s just one bathroom despite all of the space. The deal includes maid service, garage, deck, and “stunning bay views.” The landlord specifically demands only one tenant for the $5,500/month rent despite the three bedrooms, although the city does have rules about attempting those kinds of prohibitions. The “no pets” prohibition, on the other hand, is unfortunately kosher.

↑ Speaking of chase neighborhoods where new arrivals must don their fancy pants, Sea Cliff doesn’t float many potential rentals, being as it is a tiny neighborhood full the city’s priciest and most gorgeous Beaux-Arts homes. The beauty at 95 26th Avenue, with all of its frosted decadence, is no exception. Right now a two-bed, two-bath apartment in the circa-1922 building is open for anyone who wants to chip in $5,500/month. “Newly painted eat-in kitchen, ample cabinetry for storage, [...] spacious living room w/ lots of natural light, wood-burning fireplace & ornate fireplace mantel,” the ad promises, but also “no pets.”

↑ Meanwhile, bargain hunters with pockets deep enough to hunt at this price point are in luck—this two-bed, two-bath house on 48th Avenue in the Outer Richmond recently took a price cut, from $5,900/month two weeks ago to $5,500/month. Still advertised as a “classic, must see home near Sutro Park,” a 1930s single-family house with “brand new kitchen with gorgeous cherry wood cabinets [and] granite counters” along with “vaulted ceilings, decorative fireplace” in the living room, not to mention one beautiful baroque window. Whereas the previous ad kept the pet policy a mystery, this one spells it out: no deal.

↑ And finally, the Shipyard in Bayview sets a course for bigger paydays of its own, now entering into similar territory with the above listed neighborhoods by offering an apartment at $5,300/month, which in this case nets quarters in terms of three beds, two baths, and over 1,500 square feet for a brand new unit. Note that, despite the bad news about the Hunters Point cleanup, the Shipyard area was never used to store or handle toxic materials in its Navy days. (The proximity makes some residents nervous regardless.) In any case, some renters might sweat the “no pets” rule more.