What $9,000 rents you in San Francisco right now

Welcome to Curbed Comparisons, a regular column exploring what you can rent for a set dollar amount in different neighborhoods. Is one person's studio another person's townhouse? Today's price: $9,000.

↑ Yes, $9,000/month, because sometimes a new year is an opportunity to try something zany. Case in point, this price point will lease a house in St Francis Wood, one of the city’s wealthiest and most reserved neighborhoods, a towering five-bedroom, three-bath honker with tile roof on Junipero Serra Boulevard. The interiors on the ground floor look interchangeable with new condos on the other side of town, but the main staircase’s beautiful banister leads up to additional floors where some old school details still shine. The backyard is entirely cement except for the fruit trees—presumably an anti-drought measure—but the front still maintains a respectable looking encirclement of greenery. The ad doesn’t mention whether or not all of this monthly cash comes with the promise of pet accompaniment. One would hope so.

↑ Like St. Francis Wood, the Ritz-Carlton Residences comes with proverbial associations of wealth and excess attached to the name. And the price tag in this case does not fall short of that reputation: $8,950 for a two-bed, two-and-a-half bath condo in the tony tower at 690 Market. Note that a professional bodybuilder owns the building’s gym, the lounge holds wine tastings five nights a week, and $3,000 in rent goes toward the HOA fees, so they’re not skimping on that upscale living vibe. The apartment itself is new construction, never before lived in, and clocks in at 1,880 square feet, “spa-like bathrooms” included, although again there’s no mention of whether or not any pets can come explore the space too.

↑ Meanwhile, this Russian Hill residence offers an entirely different perspective on high-priced living in the form of a so-called “hidden cottage” on Green Street. Terms like cottage usually apply to residences that are small and homey, but this place comes in at four bedrooms, two baths, and 1,300 square feet, all renting for the decidedly non-rustic price of $8,800. “Green Hills Views Cottages are being offered for the first time for lease,” according to the ad, which calls the locale “a hideaway compound [...] built around one of the city’s three largest historic charter oak trees.” A shrewd move, perhaps, marketing the woodwork outside as well as in. Cats are okay here, but dogs get ruff treatment.

↑ SoMa has no shortage of live/work spaces and loft-style homes, but right now it only has one renting for the princely price of $8,995: a two-bed, one-and-a-half-bath, 1,900-foot space on Folsom right off Sixth Street. Despite the loft designation there appear to be no exposed materials, no stainless steel, no track lights, and not even any towering windows here, as this one prefers a much more muted and contemporary look. And the ad makes no secret of what crowd they’re aiming for or who the owners imagine has this kind of monthly scratch, as it specifically identifies the apartment as a “great space for residential, tech startup offices, or other types of offices.” This one does permit pets, though.

↑ And finally, the day has come when it’s possible to rent an apartment in the Mission for $8,995. In truth, that day came a long time before 2018, but how often do most people get to see it firsthand? In this case the phenomena manifest as a three-bed, two-and-a-half bath apartment at 700 Valencia, dubbed a “gorgeous high-end” home in “one of the best corners” of San Francisco, namely the corner of Valencia and 18th. The amenities include “self-closing cabinets” (for some reason), a roof deck on top of the unit, and quartz counters. And yes, pets can live here too.