With all of its talk of techies around town, Million Dollar Listing had been taking itself a little too seriously so far, in our opinion. That all dissolved this week in a fit of Justin's infectious giggles. The occasion was a potential sale at SoMa's Millennium Tower, and the client was an old friend of Justin's named Kevin. Kevin was looking to sell his two-bedroom, 1,600 square-foot Millennium condo, and he wanted at least $3.8 million for it so that he could really focus on buying land in Napa Valley for his cherry jam company, which he named "Chammy." Justin at this point loses it and doubles over in his signature nasal giggle while his old friend shoots him death stares.
Of course, Justin, who has already led potential buyers on a walking tour of the Mission and set up an Airstream at Off the Grid, isn't about to sell Chammy Kevin's condo in a conventional manner. After they agree to list it for $3 million, Justin decides to put on a fashion show in the apartment with neighborhood boutique retailers. Of course, it all goes upside down—quite literally—when the store owner who agrees to take part sets up naked mannequins in rather suggestive positions all over the apartment. While Justin is giving partygoers a tour, he discovers some serious mannequin action taking place in what is staged as a children's bedroom and starts laughing all over again. He's somehow become more likable through this whole episode, and we couldn't help but laugh along. Of course, he has to ruin it all by turning up his nose when two prospective buyers mention that they live in the Infinity down the street. "The Infinity is great," he drawls, "but it's not top two. Millennium is top two."
Kevin the Chammy Guy isn't quite as likable. When Justin takes a $2.8 million offer to him over jam, of course, he turns up his nose at both the offer and at Justin's reluctance to eat jam off of his finger. Although the offer would have set a record for price per square foot in the building, Kevin says that it isn't enough. Justin wants to walk away from the listing, but Kevin is, for some reason, his friend, and he can't do it.
Roh's listing for the week is a few blocks away at the Metropolitan in South Beach. The seller is a Chinese investor who has owned the place for just a year. It isn't really the most exciting condo in the city. It has two bedrooms and 270 degree views, but it also has a major downside: there's a tenant. That means that the property can't be staged and that its decor is seriously lacking. Roh hates the property, but of course, he can't just walk away. Because the seller is a big investor who owns lots of properties, there could be lots more listings on the table for him if he does a good job with this one. So he jumps right in, deals with snooty buyers who all say that the place looks horrible, and ends up getting an all-cash offer at the full asking price of $1.25 million. And yet, again, there is a catch. If the seller goes through with the deal, he needs to buy something else right away for tax purposes. Roh starts trying to find the seller something else but in the meantime has to explain to the buyer's agent that the agreed-upon five-day close can't happen. The buyer decides to walk away in a flurry of abuse toward Roh from her agent.
And, finally, there's Andrew. He's back outside of the city on what seems to be more his home turf, in Livermore. He's been charged with celling Cedar Mountain Vineyard, a Tuscan-inspired villa with a working vineyard attached. There are also "multiple confusing hallways, stairs to nowhere, and dead ends" throughout the house, but none of that seems to bother the attendees at Andrew's wine-tasting party. He gets an offer on the place, which is listed for $4.5 million, but then his seller just disappears. It turns out that the seller's daughter wants to use the property for her wedding so has asked her dad not to sell. This is the second time in just a few episodes of this show that Andrew has had his sellers walk away. Why does this keep happening to him? In real life, the property is now back on the market, so it seems like it all worked out in the end.
· 7795 Cedar Mountain Road [Fabulous Properties]