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Truer Than Fiction

According to the Onion, which apparently is staring into our soul at this very moment, San Francisco is being priced out of ... itself. After years of skyrocketing home prices and median rents that have risen to "hooboy," the city just can't swing itself anymore and will be relocating to somewhere farther inland. "The Central Valley is a little more reasonable, though I'm not sure how we're going to move such a large Chinatown all the way out there, not to mention the Golden Gate Bridge," a bike messenger is quoted as saying. The city's stated moving date is July 1, at which point approximately 850,000 futons will also have to be disassembled and carried down the stairs. [The Onion; previously/Photo via FrontDoor]