No one wants to confront a public urinator. Aside from the sketchy stranger factor, any good samaritan-slash-neighborhood nag will have the laws of hydraulics working against them and should thus think twice, for the same reasons you don't sneak up behind someone operating a garden hose. In effort to shame the shameless, the city is looking for places to test a new wall coating that redirects an, er, stream right back at its source, onto the feet of the perp himself. The coating, Ultra-Ever Dry by Ultra-tech, is what waste-management professionals classify as "hydrophobic," and it has already met with success in the red-light district of Hamburg, where a sign warns, "Do Not Pee Here. We Pee Back."
Department of Public Works head Mohammed Nuru told the Chronicle, "We saw this report on the Internet and thought it looked interesting," adding, "It's costing us a lot to send teams out and do cleanup." Nuru is inviting the public to name particular spots in the city that would make good candidates for a test run. Send your suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org. We nominate: all of Sixth Street.