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The People's Guide: Broke-Ass Stuart and the Mission

The People's Guide is Curbed SF's tour o' the nabes, lead by our most loyal readers, favorite bloggers, and other luminaries of our choosing. Have a piece to say? We'll be happy to hand over the megaphone. This week, we welcome Broke-Ass Stuart, writer and editor.

Nabe: The Mission

Tell us something we don’t know about the Mission: Maybe you know this, maybe you don’t. In the fire and earthquake of 1906 the entire area south of 20th St. was saved by a single fire hydrant. It’s up at the top of Dolores Park at 20th and Church. Every year on the anniversary of the earthquake, they paint the hydrant gold. Why? Because he’s a motherf***ing champ!

Local Customs of Note: Fixies, late night burritos, wandering marichis, fancy pants coffee, tattoos, and the occasional gang shooting.

Hidden gems in the Mission: Is there anything left hidden in the Mission? I mean I feel like the New York Times writes about the neighborhood once a year and there’s like eleventy blogs dedicated to it. Hmmmm?.Oh! You know what’s rad and is totally hidden? There’s store called Goteblud in the same building as the Paxton’s Gate kids store. It’s only open on the weekends and you gotta get buzzed in, but it’s this awesome zine gallery/store. They got everything from vintage copies of Punk magazine to the most current copy of Cometbus. I heart that place.

Are your neighbors "Rotten Neighbor" worthy? If so, dish. If not ... well, why not? There was the one who played rock band all day long and whose slamming on the “bass drum pedal” I could almost feel in my spine. Then there was one who I’m pretty sure was a compulsive gambler. Who else screams bloody obscenities at the TV when the USA’s female gymnastic team is losing to China’s. Really? What kind of degenerate bets on f***ing gymnastics?

Both of those neighbors are gone now. Unfortunately I still have a crazy neighbor family next door. The sounds that come out of there could never be translated to the written word. One person sneezes constantly and sounds like a character from Street Fighter II, while there’s another something in there makes a noise like a combination of wheezing, a baby and a wild chicken. But I’ve been here for long enough that I’m used to the sounds. When I have company though, the next morning they’re always like, “What kind of weird and crazy s**t goes on next door?”

Inflate the bubble or burst it: What's not-so-swell about your "perfect" neighborhood?: Poop on the sidewalk. You know you’ve lived in the Mission for too long when you can walk by a fresh pile and be able to smell whether or not it’s human or dog s**t. It’s a terrible thing that my nose knows the difference.

The final word on the Mission: I love the Mission. I really do. I’ve lived here for over six years and it’s the place I consider my home. Sure there’s lots of s**t to complain about, but despite all the things the Mission is or isn’t supposed to be, it’s got a lot of heart.
· The People's Guide [Curbed SF]
· Photo courtesy Broke-Ass Stuart